In this post, I would like to share my life’s story.
But before I share my story, I would like to thank everyone reading my posts and visiting my Blog.
My goals and aspirations for this Blog is to create something along the lines of a full time income, I hate working the 9-5 job and I don’t appreciate being yelled at and told what to do, which im sure you can understand.
I work well with people but that doesn’t mean I play well and I like it, i’d rather put my time toward something that really matters, using my time to get myself ahead in life instead of using my time to get someone else ahead.
It’s not that I don’t like other people nor am I saying that my life is worth more than others, I’m just saying that I would rather create my own business and work for myself and earn my own money than putting in my time and hard work all to earn someone else some money.
Of course, I am being paid for my time and work, but in most cases i’m being paid less than what i’m worth and i’m sure that’s what it is for most people to.
We’re not being paid for what we’re worth.
And that’s what this Blog is about, sharing information and shaping ourselves up for success and to feel passionate about it.
But without further ado, let’s begin with when I was really young.
I was born with a heart defect (With a hole in my heart), so at that time when I was a wee baby I had heart surgery, for a very very very long time I’ve always wished that I didn’t have the heart surgery and I could have moved on to a better place.
Life hasn’t been easy nor is it easy for any of us.
I grew up without a father/father figure, mum raised me by herself though she was constantly sick having around half a dozen health problems.
I was extremely lonely, I was taken to my cousins place as well as my grandparents place here and there.
I didn’t have it the worst, so why am I complaining about it or haunted by it?
I never really had any friends, or rather I did but I had to move schools very often due to family problems so whatever friends i made, I had to leave behind.
I was scared of going outside because where I grew up, I was bullied and felt scared or felt like I had no one, no friends, nothing.
I developed an inferiority complex, I came to have an identity loss, I didn’t really feel like anything was worth it.
I was just carrying out through life because it’s a job, and because I grew up alone and scared, you can imagine why I find it challenging to play with others.
I have quite a few problems that few people (if at all anyone!) notices, and I continue to blame this on my upbringing.
It wasn’t mums fault, she was constantly sick and I lacked a father, it is what it is.
However, I do remember slight joyous memories of schools i’ve been through here and there, but nothing to make a full thing out of.
It makes me feel bad sometimes, it’s not my fault for thinking this way but whenever I do I think about those that have gone through worse or those that are without like those in 3rd world countries that are starving.
However, that doesn’t dicipitate the pain that comes from what I went through, and no one really knows how painful loneliness can be unless they have felt it themselves, being taken/forced away from that which brought you joy and comfort and would in turn make you feel so vulnerable and pathetic that you deem the world around you unworthy and yourself as well.
It’s not like I think as bad as I did in the past, but I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did (maybe my ex a little since she broke my heart haha).
I felt my sister didn’t like me (she grew up with my grandparents, she’s my only sibling).
My grandparents are samoan and I find it difficult learning another language so I found it challenging in trying to communicate with them.
However, I spent my final 3 years of high school with them, I was still scared and enclosed that I still didn’t really make any friends.
My nana gave up her bedroom for me and slept in the lounge for 3 years straight! I mean there were times when she could sleep in her own bedroom again and we would swap but for the most part, she slept in the lounge and gave up her bedroom for me.
I felt bad but I didn’t know what to do, I don’t think to many of the kids at the school liked me at the time, I guess I gave off a defensive vibe, but if only they knew what I felt inside…
I always felt disconnected and at a loss.
I have depression, anxiety and paranoia because of the lack of important figures in my life as well as from growing up in the environment I was faced with.
However, I keep on trying to look forward, to look up and onward as opposed to looking at my past, it took my just a year and 3 months to get over my ex, that was so hard and took such a long time because of how much I loved her and due to being completely lonely until her.
But I know now that reality is harsh, that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be had, but it’s a harsh mistress indeed.
We have always had financial problems, being away from the family and having problems with connecting to society makes it even harder, however I do like it when I do get to connect with people, the feeling of good company is unlike any other.
That’s why I’m hoping for this Blog to change thing’s around, to either supplement what I’m already earning or better yet, to earn enough money off of it to call it a self-sustaining full time income.
This post was small but that’s because if I talked about everything, it would go on forever.
Thank you for reading and have an awesome day.